Tears

I never thought I would encourage one of my children to cry, but tonight that’s just what I did. Ryan had a pretty stressful day. Today was day two of the state English exam. He didn’t sleep well last night. And he told me he is being teased by a kid at school. We had a very long and emotional discussion about teasing – why some kids do it, how hurtful it can be, and how to handle it. I tried my best to give him good advice. I want him to be confident. I want him to love the person that he is, and to not care what some people may think of him. It’s easy for me to say that as an adult, but as a pre-teen, I know how incredibly painful it is to be called names. During our conversation, he asked me what Al's advice would have been. Then he started crying. He tried, as he always does, to hold it in. He doesn’t let me see him cry. I could see he just wanted to sob, so I pulled him close to me and he finally let it out. I don’t know if he was crying because his feelings were hurt, or if he was crying because he missed his dad and he really needed him at this moment. All I know is that my son was finally letting out the tears he’s been holding in for months now. He tries to be strong for me. He rarely mentions Al because when he does, I can see the immediate sadness in his face. I want him to be able talk about his father. I want him to cry if he wants to cry. He has seen me cry countless times in the past year. He usually will ask me why I’m crying. He knows the reason I cry, but he doesn’t understand why I let myself. I try to explain to him how it’s a release and it’s a healthy thing to do. But, I’m a woman and we are just more emotional. It’s not that I *enjoy* crying, but I usually feel better after a good sob session. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t cry every day, and that’s a big step. Sometimes I’ll get teary, and sometimes when I’m having a particularly bad day, I’ll just let go and just full-out bawl till I can’t breathe. It’s exhausting to let out so much emotion, but that’s what happens if I don’t cry a little every day. But that’s just me. I don’t want any of my kids to be sad. But if they are, I hope they can express it somehow. And I hope they know they can always come to me, and I’ll always have a shoulder for them.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss